THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO
The fifteenth part of the Discovering Series.
Gibbs returns home after a meeting with Jenny.
An established relationship story.
Written: May 2007. Word count: 960.
I popped into the office today, just to check that DiNozzo hadn't screwed anything up too badly. He hadn't.
Duck suggested that I should stay for the day, but he didn't really mean it. I could tell. He can't hide his feelings from me. I've been reading his non-verbal conversation, especially his eyes, for far too long to be fooled.
I saw something else in his eyes too when I picked my Sig up. Only for a second, but it was there, and it made me think.
I know he's always had some worries about losing me, guess it's natural; the sea, war zones and carrying a gun, they all add up. I take risks, I know it, he knows it, and he accepts it. He doesn't like it, I know that, but he accepts it. He has to. But today there was something more; probably just because of his mom's death, but even so. It made me consciously think about what he must go through every time I go out on a case. I didn't say anything because I know he wouldn't want me to know. I hope he thought I didn't see it, but I did.
Saw most of the kids while I was there, and they were fine. Treated me just as they always do. There was nothing off in the they way they behaved or acted. It was as if they hadn't seen what they'd seen. I knew they'd be fine. I'll tell Ducky later.
He's downstairs making phone calls, the kind you have to make when someone close to you dies. I'll go and sit with him soon, make him some tea and just be there, but there's a couple of things I need to think about first.
When I got to the office there was a note on my desk ordering me to go and see Jenn as soon as I arrived. So I got some coffee; sorted through a few things; checked my email and saw that I had another thirty messages to go with the rest that were unread, guess that's why Jenn left a note; then I went up to see her.
Don't really know what I expected her to say, but it wasn't what she did say.
She kept it short, to the point, bit like a memo really.
She reminded me that changes of status or address needed to be recorded for all employees. Guess she's assuming that Duck'll come and live with me now, or I'll move in with him. Or something. Need to talk to Ducky about that; see what he thinks. He might not want to.
She didn't say anything else about seeing us kissing and me admitting how long we'd been together. So I guess I was right, she did decide not to cause problems for us; or try to. The whole thing about the logging changes was her way of telling me it was all okay; Jenn's way.
She then told me about her meeting with Hollis, the threats Hollis had made, and how she, Jenn, had tried to warn Hollis there was nothing she could do. It was a bit odd really, my years-ago ex-lover defending me to my most recent ex-lover over the relationship I have with another man. Surreal doesn't begin to cover it.
Jenn made two suggestions: one that I learn to lock my front door, and two that I take Ducky away for a while. Give him a break. Before I could say anything, she reminded me, not that I needed reminding, that Ducky had just lost one person he cared about; she didn't want to see him lose another.
I'm home now and the front door's locked and bolted, both done by me.
Thought about her other idea, Duck and me going away for a while. At first I wasn't sure; thought maybe Ducky might find it even harder to face the kids if we did. Then I remembered that Abbs had told me to ask Ducky if they could come to the funeral. He'll say yes, because it's Abby who asked, so he'll see them then. See they're fine about what they saw.
I also remembered how much Ducky liked to travel, but how he stopped doing it once he and I got together. We haven't had an easy relationship in one way, and it's time that changed.
So I'm going to suggest to him that we go away somewhere for a while; see how he reacts. Who knows a while might just become longer.
I'm also going to mention him moving in with me. It's time I stopped messing about, and now I've got an extra reason to do so.
Now the kids know about us, they won't be happy if I continue to cheat on Ducky. I've been on the receiving end of a displeased Abby before; don't want to go through that again. But that's not the real reason. The real reason's downstairs making phone calls; the most painful he's ever had to make.
I don't tell him enough how much he means to me. How important he is to me; for me. How vital he is. I know he knows, but sometimes just knowing isn't enough.
I'm going to go downstairs, make him some tea; sit with him until he's done with the calls. Then I'll tell him about the kids wanting to come to the funeral. After he's agreed, I'll raise the issue of him living with me, and us going away for a while.
Jenn's right; Ducky can't lose someone else he loves. And if Hollis hurt Ducky at all, then I'd . . . I won't do that to Duck. I can't. It's better this way. Safer. For Ducky.
That's what I'll do.
LINKS TO ALL THE STORIES IN THE DISCOVERING SERIES
What Have I Done?
He Always Does
I Know How He Felt
I Told Them
Maybe I Should
The Last Day
I Don't Believe It
Just Let Her Try
I Have Him
That's What I'll Do
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