I HAVE HIM
The thirteenth part of the Discovering series.
Ducky was awake when Hollis visited.
An established relationship story.
Written: May 2007. Word count: 680.
Jethro has gone downstairs to make me a cup of tea, having left me comfortably settled in his bed. My beloved is not a man of many words, but his actions tell me so much. Tea and loving: Jethro's cures to all of my ills, and I cannot deny that they are both extremely welcome, even if they cannot always quite heal everything.
He believes I do not know that Lieutenant Colonel Hollis Mann was here last night, in this room. However, I do.
I do not know what work me up, but something did. Whether it was her perfume; whether it was the fact that Jethro had left me and I felt chilled; whether it was some instinct that someone was in the room, someone who shouldn't be; or something else, I do not know. But awaken I did. And she was there, standing inside the door, staring at the bed, the bed in which I lay.
I am certain that she, like Jethro, did not know I had awoken. Given what my beloved has told me about her, about how she does not believe in keeping quiet, she would almost certainly have said something to me, had she been aware that I was awake. I am relieved that she did not know.
I am also certain that it must have come as a shock to her to discover me, a man, in the bed of the man whom she was dating. The man whom I believe she thought she would one day marry. However, I find myself completely unmoved by her plight. I simply do not have the energy, emotional or physical, to be concerned about her feelings, or indeed about what she might do. Given that seven other people saw us kissing, one more, merely seeing me apparently sleeping, does not seem important.
However, it is more than just my lack of energy; I regret to say that I simply do not care about her. She manipulated Jethro into continuing their relationship; she pushed him, nagged him and made demands, when any other person would have seen and read the signs and walked away.
Oddly enough, of all the relationships my Jethro has had with women, none have troubled me less than the one he has, or I should say, had with the Lieutenant Colonel. I knew that she would not last, and she most certainly would not have become the fifth Mrs. Gibbs; of that I would have made certain. I have Jethro, and I am not giving him up for anyone or anything.
I am certain that there is nothing she can do to cause trouble for Jethro; she can hardly threaten to tell Jennifer, she already knows.
I feel nothing when I think about Ms. Mann walking in, except a touch of relief and perhaps even satisfaction. I do not even feel guilty for feeling those things. I have never liked her, I admit that, and I am not the only one. Dear Abigail despised her, and she made her feelings perfectly clear.
No, her discovering me in Jethro's bed does not trouble me in the slightest. I wish I could say the same for the children and Jennifer seeing us kissing. Perhaps we should have listened to Tobias when he tried to tell us we should let the children know. But I did not want anyone to think less of, or ill of, my beloved.
However, it is too late for 'perhaps', it has happened, it cannot unhappen. Maybe it is time I believed my beloved when he says that he does not mind that our secret is now known; that he is certain the children will not mind.
Over the years, even on the occasions when I did not necessarily like, even though I still loved, Jethro, I have always trusted him, and trusted in him. Perhaps I should do so now.
I am tired though. Too tired. Too tired to decide. Too weary. Too drained.
I have Jethro; and that is all that matters.
I have him; and I always shall.
LINKS TO ALL THE STORIES IN THE DISCOVERING SERIES
What Have I Done?
He Always Does
I Know How He Felt
I Told Them
Maybe I Should
The Last Day
I Don't Believe It
Just Let Her Try
I Have Him
That's What I'll Do
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