THIS IS IT
By
Ashleigh Anpilova
The fifth part of the Amnesic Gibbs Series
Ducky is home from the Medical Examiners' Conference and despite still not knowing how he is going to ask his friend what he wants to ask him, Gibbs decides that now is the time to go to see Ducky.
An established relationship story.
Written: March 2007. Word count: 742.
This is it.
I can't put it off any longer.
It's now or never.
If I don't leave now, it's going to be too late. As it is, it's going to be pretty late by the time I get to Ducky's house.
Maybe I should leave it 'til another night. Bit unfair on him to arrive at this time, especially as he's spent the last couple of days at a conference. He'll be tired; bound to be. These things always . . .
Hang on, how do I know what these always are? Well, I don't. It's just common sense that's all.
I'll leave it for tonight. Go tomorrow. It'll be fairer. Kinder.
I'll stay here, have another drink and . . . Spend another night staring at the walls, trying to put off going to bed, because I'm tired of the kind of dreams I've been getting.
Embarrassed too. You shouldn't get wet dreams at my age.
No, come on, Jethro. You can't chicken out now. You made your decision. Stick with it. Get into your car and drive over to Ducky and ask him.
Ask him what you want to know. What you need to know.
Okay. I'll do it.
Still don't know what I'm going to say. Tried to think of something, but nothing sounds right.
"Hey, Duck. Good conference? By the way, I was wondering, before I lost my memory, were we lovers?"
No, that doesn't sound right.
"Hey, Duck. Good conference? You're probably going to think I'm mad, but well, you see, I've been having these erotic flashbacks about you, and I was just wondering if they were real?"
That sounds worse. Makes me sound pathetic.
"Hey, Duck. Good conference? Look, I hope you won't be angry with me or disgusted or anything for what I'm about to say, to suggest, but, I get this feeling we're more than just good friends. Is that right?"
A bit better. But still not right.
"Hey, Duck. Good conference? What would you say if I told you I wanted to kiss you?"
Hang on; do I want to kiss him?
Okay, stupid question; of course I do. I want to kiss him more than I've wanted anything in my life. Of course given that life's a whole five weeks old, guess that isn't saying a great deal. What's more, I don't just want to stop at kissing him.
Oh, shit. I shouldn't think like that. I really shouldn't. After all, I'm wrong; we weren't lovers; couldn't have been.
How do I know that it's really Ducky I want to kiss and not just someone? That's easy, because if were just 'someone' I could do that thing. In theory, anyway.
Bit more difficult in practice. Most people expect more than just to be kissed, they want to know about you. And what can I tell them? Nothing. At least not first hand stuff, or at least not first hand stuff that's more than five weeks old. So that's out.
Guess I could pick up a hooker, if you're paying for it, you call the shots, right? but . . . I'm not that desperate - not yet. Besides, how would I explain that one away? If something went wrong, that is. Knowing my luck the cops'd walk in.
Where was I?
Oh, yeah. What to say to Ducky.
"Hey, Duck. Good conference? Why don't we go to bed and fuck?"
God that's the worst of all. I'd never say that to Ducky. Never. He's not that kind of person.
Hang on; there I go again with the what could almost be a memory. How do I know he's not that kind of person? If we're in a relationship then we must fuck, right? Wrong. Or at least not right.
To hell with it. This is giving me a headache. Just stop pissing about Jethro Gibbs, get your coat, your car keys and go to Ducky's house. Stop planning what you're going to say and just play it by ear when you get there. And don't forget you said you were going to give up writing in this stupid thing!
Maybe I should call him first; make sure he's not in bed or anything. Except Ducky in bed is exactly where I want him. Oh, shit. That's not how I should be thinking.
Right.
Enough.
I'm going.
Really. I am.
I'm going.
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
Now.
Right now.
This is it.
LINKS TO ALL THE STORIES IN THE AMNESIC GIBBS SERIES
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