CAN IT BE?
By
Ashleigh Anpilova
The third part of the Amnesic Gibbs Series
Jethro is getting flashes of things he thinks he remembers, but they are so beautiful he doesn't think they can be true.
An established relationship story.
Written: March 2007. Word count: 450.
Can it be?
Can it really be?
Can it really be true?
Hands.
Mouth.
Lips.
Arms.
Touching me.
Caressing me.
Stroking me.
Soothing me.
Loving me.
Kissing me.
Holding me.
Perfection.
Joy.
Bliss.
Wondrous.
Marvelous.
Too perfect.
Too joyful.
Too blissful.
Too wondrous.
Too marvelous.
Can't be real.
Has to be a dream.
Has to be false.
Has to be fairyland. Has to be wonderland.
And there's no such thing. They're imaginary places.
Blues eyes look at me. Tell me . . .
Tell me everything.
His feelings; his love; his fears; his hopes; his affection; his friendship; his desires; his trust; his wants; his . . .
His?
His?
Flashes, that's all I'm getting.
Flashes of joy.
Flashes of pain.
Flashes of the good times.
Flashes of the bad times.
Flashes, nothing more. Nothing concrete. Nothing to hold onto. Nothing to cling onto. I need to hold on. I need to cling. But there's nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Except . . .
Except him.
He's there.
He's always there.
He's always there in every flashback.
Holding me.
Touching me.
Kissing me.
Supporting me.
Loving me.
Standing by my side.
Looking at me.
Saying 'yes'.
Saying 'no'.
At work.
At home.
He's there.
He's always there.
Can it be?
Can it really be?
Can it really be true?
Can these flashes be memories?
Can wonderland exist?
Can it be the man I see as my friend is more?
Can it be that Ducky is more?
Can it be that Ducky is, was, my lover?
Why hasn't he told me?
Doesn't he want to?
Doesn't he still want me?
Doesn't he still love me?
Can I ask him if it's true? Dare I? What if I'm wrong? What if my flashes are false? What if I ask and he . . .
What if I ask and he walks away?
I can't lose Ducky. I need him. Need his friendship. He tells me we've known each other for over thirty years. He tells me we've been close friends. I can't remember.
I can't remember anything. Anyone.
Nothing feels right, except when I'm with him. That feels right. That feels more than right. That feels . . .
That feels like wonderland. But a real one.
Do I want it to be real? Do I want us to have been lovers?
Do I want to love him? Want to touch him? Want to kiss him?
Do I want him to love me? Want him to touch me? Want him to kiss me?
And if I do, do I really want it? Or do I just think I want it, because it would give me something, something real? Something and someone to cling onto, to hold onto.
Can it be?
Can it really be?
Can it really be true?
LINKS TO ALL THE STORIES IN THE AMNESIC GIBBS SERIES
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Go to NCIS Gibbs/Ducky Fiction Page