THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US
Sometimes the most painful decisions are the ones we have to make.
An established relationship story.
Written: July 2005. Word count: 300.
The distance between us grows more each day.
I no longer know what to say to you. I no longer know what to do to make you smile, to make you look at me as you once did. I no longer know whether you will even come home at night.
I no longer know whether I still love you. I no longer know whether I ever did.
I keep telling myself to leave you before you leave me. To start again and find someone who will love me the way that you love him.
Don't think I don't know. Because I do. I've always known. It's his arms that hold you the way mine no longer can, his face you dream of, his touch that turns you on. His kiss you yearn for, his bed you long to be in.
I don't hate you for being unfaithful. I drove you to it. I trapped you with a lie, and no relationship should be based on a falsehood.
It's time. Time to put a real distance between us. Time for me to return to my homeland. Time for you to return to him. Time for us both to live; not merely exist.
I brought nothing but lies into our marriage; I'll take nothing but the truth away. I won't cite him in the divorce. ‘Irreconcilable differences', or ‘break down of relationship', or whatever the fancy term is, will suffice.
Maybe one day you'll forgive me. Maybe one day we will meet again as friends. Maybe one day I will stop hating myself for the stupid trick I tried - no good has ever come from that one.
I won't take anything, Ray, but I'll leave you with something: my hope that Bodie makes you happy, as I have failed to do.
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