DEAD INSIDE

By

Nikki Harrington

Tommy's world is colourless following Helen's death and he can feel nothing. But Barbara finds a way to give him hope.

A pre-het story.

Written: August 2009. Word count: 400.

He sits on the bench, head lowered, hands between his knees, trying to feel something.

Anything.

Sadness.

Anger.

Hatred.

Despair.

Guilt.

Anything.

But he can't. His emotions have stopped. He can't feel anything. Just as the world around him has lost its colour, he has lost the ability to feel.

She's dead. Helen, his wife, the woman he had loved, the woman who had lost his baby, the woman who had left him, the woman with whom he'd been trying to rebuild a relationship, the woman who had been his friend, the woman he knows he never should have married, is dead. And he can feel nothing.

He wants to. He desperately wants to. He wants to cry. He wants to curse. He wants to yell. He wants to feel guilty. He wants to feel guilty for not loving her more. He wants to do something to bring back the colour into the world. To bring back his emotions. But he doesn't know how to.

And then she's there, Barbara, his partner, is there. She sits down next to him and for a moment says nothing. He looks at her and for the first time since Helen had been killed he begins to see colour. For the first time since Helen was killed he begins to feel again. For the first time since he lost his wife and friend his emotions begin to return.

And suddenly it's all too much. Suddenly the colour, the feelings, the emotions are too much for him. He catches her hand and squeezes it tightly, so tightly he notices the colour begin to drain from it; but he can't let go. He has to hold on to the one thing, the one person who can make him see colour again, can make him feel again.

And as he looks into her eyes he sees it, not compassion, not sorrow, oh, they are there, but what he sees is something else. Hastily and clumsily covered up; but he sees it. She does feel the same way he does. She does want more than just a working partnership.

It's too soon now; far too soon. Not only would Barbara not allow anything more than this touch, he knows this is one relationship he has to get right.

So for now he just squeezes her hand and together they sit in the newly coloured, newly emotionally charged world.

Kissing You is the sequel to this story.

Feedback is always appreciated

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