WAS IT WORTH THE COST?
Ducky is troubled by a recent decision.
An established relationship story.
Written: March 2008. Word count: 275.
I have never slept with a woman.
Therefore, when she turned up and claimed to be my granddaughter, I knew she was lying. I knew her declaration could not possibly be true.
However, I could not have known, I could never have imagined, what the cost of my refutation, my denial, would be.
Sometimes, for a moment when I think about the cost, the loss, the devastating destruction, I wonder if, had I known then what I know now whether I would have gone on saying 'I have never slept with a woman'.
At other times I know I did the right thing. I did the only thing I could do.
But the cost.
Was it too much?
Was it worth it?
Two lives lost.
And it could have been even worse. God forgive me, but it could have been worse. I could have lost my beloved.
But is what happened worse?
He says no.
He says I did the right thing.
He says I did the only thing I could do.
Keep repeating 'I have never'.
But I do not know.
Sometimes I look at him and I wonder.
Maybe one day I will tell the full story.
Maybe one day when it is not so raw, so painful, so intense. When the loss does not cut so deeply, I will tell what happened.
They say it will help.
But what do they know?
For the first time in my life, I am not certain of what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'.
Maybe one day I will tell.
But maybe I never will.
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