Ashleigh Anpilova


Ducky is troubled by a recent decision.

An established relationship story.

Written: March 2008. Word count: 275.



I have never slept with a woman.


Therefore, when she turned up and claimed to be my granddaughter, I knew she was lying. I knew her declaration could not possibly be true.


However, I could not have known, I could never have imagined, what the cost of my refutation, my denial, would be.


Sometimes, for a moment when I think about the cost, the loss, the devastating destruction, I wonder if, had I known then what I know now whether I would have gone on saying 'I have never slept with a woman'.


At other times I know I did the right thing. I did the only thing I could do.


But the cost.


Was it too much?


Was it worth it?


Two lives lost.


For what?


My pride?


My honesty?


My reputation?


My self-worth?


And it could have been even worse. God forgive me, but it could have been worse. I could have lost my beloved.


But is what happened worse?


He says no.


He says I did the right thing.


He says I did the only thing I could do.


Keep repeating 'I have never'.


But I do not know.


Sometimes I look at him and I wonder.


Maybe one day I will tell the full story.


Maybe one day when it is not so raw, so painful, so intense. When the loss does not cut so deeply, I will tell what happened.


They say it will help.


But what do they know?


For the first time in my life, I am not certain of what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'.


Maybe one day I will tell.


But maybe I never will.



Feedback is always appreciated

Go to NCIS Gibbs/Ducky Fiction Page


Go to NCIS Index Page

Go to Home Page