THE FIRST TIME
Jethro and Ducky's lives have been full of first times and concerns.
An established relationship story.
Written: July 2009. Word count: 800.
You have to walk carefully at the beginning of love. The running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later, when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
The first time he set eyes on Jethro, Ducky knew this was a man with whom he could fall deeply in love; a man he would love for life.
The first time he saw Ducky, Jethro knew this was the one man in the world he could go to bed with.
The first time Jethro invited him out to dinner, Ducky made certain he kept an eye on the prices of the food and wine without letting Jethro know he was doing thus.
The first time he took Ducky out to dinner, Jethro worried about using the wrong fork, or the wrong glass, or showing his ignorance about that kind of restaurant.
The first time Jethro held him in his arms, Ducky knew he'd found a home for life.
The first time he held Ducky in his arms, Jethro marveled at how perfectly they fitted together.
The first time Jethro kissed him, Ducky held back, not wanting to show the young man how much his kiss touched him.
The first time he kissed Ducky, Jethro hoped his lack of experience in kissing another man didn't spoil things.
The first time Jethro asked to see him again, Ducky hesitated, not because he didn't want to see Jethro again, but because he desperately wanted to see him again.
The first time he plucked up the courage to ask Ducky if he could see him again, Jethro feared he'd say no.
The first time Jethro asked him about his background, Ducky prevaricated somewhat. He feared that his education, his class, his upbringing, his training, his knowledge, might make him sound pompous, and thus overwhelm Jethro.
The first time Ducky mentioned his schooling and background, Jethro groaned inwardly. There was no way Ducky would continue to be interested in him, not given the gulf that separated them educationally, culturally, financially, and in so many other ways.
The first time they went to bed together, Ducky worried that the sight of an aroused, naked man would cause Jethro to flee.
The first time they went to bed together, Jethro feared that his clumsiness and inexperience would cause Ducky to laugh at him.
The first time Jethro asked him to be his best man, Ducky hid his pain. He'd always known that Jethro not only had the capacity to be the love of his life, but also that he had the capacity to hurt him deeply. Instead he tried to be pleased for Jethro, telling him how glad he was that he'd found the perfect woman; wishing him a long and healthy life filled with love and happiness. He told himself it was partly his own fault; he'd never told Jethro he loved him. He'd never told him how happy Jethro made him, how he completed him, how important he was to him, how not a day went by when he didn't think of him. He'd walked carefully, so very carefully, because the relationship was so important to him. He hadn't liked to take the lead, as he didn't want to risk driving Jethro away; after all a relationship with a man was new to Jethro. So he'd waited.
The first time Jethro asked Ducky to be his best man, Jethro felt like the biggest bastard on the planet when he saw the hastily hidden pain he'd caused Ducky. As he was wished a long life filled with health, love and happiness, his self-hatred grew deeper. He told himself he hadn't known that Ducky cared that much about him; Ducky had never said anything. Had never said he loved him. And he hadn't dared to tell Ducky how much Ducky mattered to him, how he made his life whole, how he thought about him every day. He'd taken things slowly, very slowly because it was new to him being with another man. He'd expected Ducky to take the lead, and when he hadn't, he'd just assumed all his fears about being inadequate and not good enough for Ducky had been right.
The first time Jethro told him he loved him, Ducky knew he'd just been given the most precious gift he would ever receive.
The first time he told Ducky he loved him, Jethro saw what Ducky had kept hidden from him from the moment they'd met.
The first time someone discovered their relationship was 'more than just good friends', Ducky feared it would be the end of their relationship.
The first time someone discovered their relationship was 'more than just good friends', Jethro shrugged and said it didn't bother him who knew.
The first time Jethro asked him to marry him, Ducky had been so stunned, Jethro had to repeat it.
The first time Jethro pushed the gold band onto the third finger of Ducky's left hand, he knew it would be the only time.
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