A HARD HABIT TO BREAK
By
Ashleigh Anpilova
Ducky is Gibbs's habit.
An established relationship story.
Written: September 2010. Word count: 500.
Duck's my habit. Guess you could say I'm addicted to him.
In fact I've been addicted to Ducky for a hell of a long time. I shouldn't be. I should have broken the habit over the years. But I couldn't. Duck's just a hard habit to break. Make that an impossible one.
I tried over the years. I tried several times. Each time I married or took up with a new woman I thought might be at least half serious, I stopped seeing Ducky. Of course, I didn't stop seeing him, well, we work together, but I stopped sleeping with him. I tried, I really tried to give him up and commit to the woman.
But it never worked. Well, it did for a time; a few weeks, months. But then I'd find myself outside his door and it wouldn't be just for a drink. He'd know why I was there, and he'd look at me in 'that' way, sigh and say 'Oh, Jethro'. But he never sent me away; never turned me down.
So like most addicts the more I fed my habit, the more I wanted it. The more I needed it.
But unlike most addictions Ducky's not a dangerous thing to be addicted to. He's not life threatening. He doesn't do me any harm. Quite the opposite. Reckon I owe my life, my sanity, my health to Duck. Without him in my life, I wouldn't be the man I am. I'd be even more of a bastard, even tougher, even more detached, even more driven. I'd care even less about other people and their needs.
Duck keeps me grounded, focuses me. Duck won't stand by and see me harm myself or make unnecessary, unwarranted, unjustifiable demands on others - especially not the kids. Duck knows how to handle me, how to make me stop and take a step back.
And he loves me as I am. Doesn't try to change me. Doesn't force the stuff he likes on me. He puts up with me and always has done. Guess he always will - least I hope he will.
I've got other habits that aren't so positive, aren't so good for me, but you show me someone who hasn't. But Ducky's good for me.
So I reckon it's time, hell, it's way past time, I stopped trying to break my habit and just accept it, embrace it, welcome it, enjoy it, acknowledge it - and not just privately.
Never thought the day would come when two people of the same sex could marry. But it has. And it's the final push I need to commit to my habit for life. Got it all planned: I'll ask him, he'll say yes (least I hope he will) and we'll do it. We'll get married; nothing big, just Duck and me, plus the kids, Tobias, Vance, oh, and Dad. I've already told him; he didn't seem surprised. Told me he liked Ducky.
Yeah, Duck's my habit. Guess you could say I'm addicted to him.
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