At times even Tony has doubts.
An established relationship story.
Written: February 2011. Word count: 500.
"Yeah?" Tony hoped Tim wasn't about to start an in-depth discussion as he was tired, it was in a good way, a very good way, but he was tired and he was ready to go to sleep.
"Why did you turn down Jenny's offer of your own team?"
Tony looked at his lover. "I told you our team needed me."
Tim frowned. "No, Tony, this is me, remember? You don't need to pretend with me, or lie to me," he added softly, entwining his hand with Tony's.
Tony's first instinct was to say he wasn't lying, but that in itself would be a lie. Instead he sighed and looked down at their entwined hands rather than at Tim. "I had some doubts," he said.
"That I'd be able to lead the team."
Tim pushed himself up onto one elbow and stared down at Tony. "You led Ziva and me," he said.
Again Tony glanced away from Tim's intense stare. "That was different."
"In what way?"
"Because you'd been trained by Gibbs. You didn't need leading, not in the way a brand new team would. I wasn't sure I was ready."
Tim was silent for a moment before saying, "Jenny thought you were."
"Did she?" Tony's tone was flat.
"She offered you the chance."
"Yeah, well, maybe, maybe not."
"Do you regret it?" Tim asked quietly.
Now it was Tony's turn to fall silent. He looked up into Tim's steady gaze, read it and saw Tim's need for an honest answer. "Yeah, yeah, Tim I do. I wish I'd taken it." Then he pulled Tim back down and kissed him lightly. "But if I had, you and me wouldn't be here now." He kissed Tim again, deepening the kiss and effectively silencing his lover.
Once Tim had fallen asleep, Tony lay awake staring up into the darkness. Having doubts about whether he was capable of leading his own team weren't the only ones he had. His biggest doubt these days was whether he and Tim would stay together.
He doubted they would, in fact he was sure they wouldn't. Why would Tim want to stay with him? One day he'd want someone who was as smart as he was, someone who liked the same things as he did, someone who spoke the same language as he did. Not someone who played the class clown, who made fun of everyone and everything, who quoted movie references constantly. No, Tim would leave him one day - of that he had no doubt.
Not many people would think, would dream, that Anthony DiNozzo Jnr. ever had doubts and he didn't, not often. But the ones he did have seemed to be over the really important things, the life changing things.
He sighed softly as the clock on the nightstand reminded him he had to be up in another three hours. At least Tim would be there in the morning; at least they'd have a few more hours together - anything else was a bonus.
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