SUICIDE BY COP
Set at the end of Heart Break.
Kate is alone in Autopsy and thinking.
A Kate-centric gen story.
Written: March 2010. Word count: 300.
She stands in Autopsy, staring down at the body of Ensign Evan Hayes. The young man she'd killed. The innocent young man she'd killed.
It was suicide by cop, Kate. Get over it. In the silence of Autopsy, she hears Gibbs's callous words. She remembers how she had felt when he'd said them. She'd hated him. Hated herself. Hated NCIS. Hated the job.
Even now the hate hasn't gone. The logical part of her mind knows Gibbs had deliberately chosen the words to shock her, to pull her out of her guilt-trip, maybe even to make her hate him, in order to refocus her onto the case. But the emotional part of her knows she has never heard anything so cruel, so unnecessary, so despicable in her life.
She's always known Gibbs was hard-hitting and emotionally detached, but his bluntness had shocked her. Hours later it still shocks her. She's not sure she can go on working with him, working for NCIS. She's not sure she wants to go on doing a job where she may kill an innocent person again.
Again, logically she knows she will 'get over it'; she has to. But emotionally she's not certain she ever will. How can she go on working with Gibbs? He could have said something else. He could have found another way to refocus her. He could have done; he hadn't. How can she go on working with him?
But she knows she will. She knows she'll be back tomorrow. She knows she'll pick up her gun the next time they go out on a case. She knows one day she'll use it again. She may even kill another innocent person. But she will not, she cannot, just 'get over it'. She's not like Gibbs and she doesn't want to be.
Feedback is always appreciated
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