HOLDING ON
By
Nikki Harrington
A sequel to Coming To Terms.
Fraser and Ray have been lovers for several months. However, a year after the shooting, Ray still is unable to let go of what he did.
An established relationship story.
Written: June 2007. Word count: 350.
The quality of mercy is not strain'd.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
THE MERCHANT OF VENICE - ACT IV SCENE I
.
JUNE 1996. ACT II
"Benny. There's something I have to tell you."
And he did have to.
He did have to tell Benny.
He had to tell his lover, before . . .
Before he fell even more deeply in love with him. Before Benny became even more earth, moon, sun, sky and stars to him. Before . . . Before he wouldn't have a chance of surviving Benny walking out on him.
The blue eyes, the same blue eyes that had gazed up at him from the hospital bed, the same blue eyes that had held him captive from the moment Benny had walked into the holding cell, looked at him now.
"I know, Ray," was all he said.
Ray blinked. "You know?"
"Yes. And I -"
"Don't say you forgive me."
"But why not, Ray? I do?"
"How can you?"
"Because I love you."
"As simple as that?"
"Yes, Ray. As simple as that. You have to believe me."
And Ray suddenly realized that for Benny it was that simple. Because that was who Benny was. It was his role in life to understand, to forgive, to show mercy, to . . . To be Benny.
And as he realized that, he realized something else too.
He had to accept Benny's forgiveness. He had to.
Because if he didn't, if he couldn't, if he held on to what he had done, and let it, as it was doing, eat away at him, then he was destroying himself.
Destroying Benny.
Destroying what they had.
He had to come to terms with it.
He had to.
But could he?
"Can you do that, Ray? Can you? Can you believe in me? Trust in me? Can you put it behind you? Behind us? Can you, Ray?"
Ray looked at Benny and swallowed hard. "I'll try," he said.
He couldn't fail to see the look of disappointment that spread over Benny's face.
The disappointment that Benny tried so hard to hide.
The disappointment that was only there for a split second.
Less.
And that was when Ray knew.
That was when he knew what he had to do.
That was when he made his decision.
Letting Go is the sequel to this story.
Feedback is always appreciated